My favourite emails these days are the ones from a lady reporting transmissions from the Virgin Mary who prophesies (sometimes with her son, Jesus) really quite specifically about the dangers of flag-burning, the Unholy Ray, and the devilish communist threat of Russia.
Do not be deceived, My children, Russia is not free. It is a cosmetic act to delude you. Lenin and Stalin used the same tactics, My children. Why do you not learn from your errors? For it is their plan to subdue you, once they get the billions that they need in aid, to bring up the economy and buy more armaments. (Our Lady, June 18, 1992).
How sneaky is that? The cc: list for the people who get this includes loads of bishops and cardinals. Good god, think how much crank mail you must get if you’re an bishop. And how do you write a spam filter that catches this stuff, but wouldn’t give a false positive if you actually received an email from Jesus? I hope the Christ worked out some sort of secret sign before he ascended, because this false prophet business is just going to get worse and worse pre-rapture. Spam; a sign of the end-times. Mail.app for Apple discards this stuff as junk; Spamassassin isn’t so sure.
As the prophecies go, I like this one:
CHASTISEMENT DELAYED
Veronica – Our Lady said that the Chastisement has been delayed
It’s sort of like a rail announcement, isn’t it?
I think that will be the new open threat in our house. “Your chastisement has been … delayed. This time.”
I’m currently delaying a fair bit of chastisement myself right now. I’ve been working through a lot of the Lifehacks stuff. It was all supposed to be very anthropological and objective, but now I realise that my position as hyper-disorganised person peering in isn’t going to work out. Mainly because I’m currently being far too disorganised to actually get this done.
My horrible dawning realisation is that to do lifehacks stuff justice, I’m going to have to experiment on myself.
Our Lady of the Postponement, have mercy on me!