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a man slumped on his desk, from 'The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters'

Oblomovka

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things i have learnt this christmas

  1. In America, a sign that says “Open!” in bright flashing neon demonstrates that the store in question has electricity, and is shut.
  2. Make a career out of being sarcastic, and the gods will give you a sarcastic toddler.

    Ada: Mvy! Blz Ftzzz! Mvy! Blz Ftzzz!
    [MAKES SIGN FOR “MOVIE”, “BLUES CLUES”]
    Ada: Mvy? Blz Ftzzz?
    Me: Would you like to watch “Blue’s Clues”?
    Ada: [IN TONE OF GREAT SURPRISE] Noooo.
    Me: You mean yes?
    Ada: [LOOKS ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE] Yas.

  3. According to my Kidde fire extinguisher, dry chemical consists of: Sodium Bicarbonate, Mica, Calcium Stearate, Nuisance Dust, Irritant.
  4. The average fire extinguisher containt sixteen tons of dry chemical.
  5. When used to extinguish a toaster fire, it can expel this chemical at a rate of six Niagaras a second.
  6. In the event of dry chemical spill, toddlers will absorb the “nuisance dust”. Parents will absorb all the “irritant”.
  7. The best way to clear up the remainder of the dry chemical is to move house.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 29th, 2004 at 8:55 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/Atom feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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